your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
