I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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