I am puke
the day after is always just damage control
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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