so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
