i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
