think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize