i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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