Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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