Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize