I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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