I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize