It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
