i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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