His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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