Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
