I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
