I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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