Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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