The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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