A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
