No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
