I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
