make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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