the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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