sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
