i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize