You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
