If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
