That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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