Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This house was built for laser tag.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
