Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
