Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
