this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
