he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
