Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
