im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Please don't give away my fajitas
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
