There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
