fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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