If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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