tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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