the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
