That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
