so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
