operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
