I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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