I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize