i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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