he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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