woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
