Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize