her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
