so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
