wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
