the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
