Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
