Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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