if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i will never coherently bang her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
