I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
