So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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