This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
