Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
