I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
