No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
