by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
