I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize