Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize