I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
