Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
